Jenny Pan

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Couples Therapist, Trauma Recovery Specialist, and Advocate for Neurodiverse & Multicultural Relationships​

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My Story: The Journey to Healing and Wholeness

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Growing Up Between Cultures

I was born in Taiwan and immigrated to New York at age nine. As a first-generation Chinese American, I was raised between two very different worlds.

 

I spoke Mandarin at home and English at school. I celebrated traditions that others didn’t understand.

 

I often felt invisible, too foreign in some rooms, too Americanized in others. That experience taught me how to adapt—but it also left me feeling unanchored.

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Undiagnosed ADHD and the Pressure to Perform

Throughout my childhood, I struggled with focus, emotional regulation, and staying organized. But like many children of the 1980s, my ADHD went undiagnosed.

 

I internalized these struggles as personal flaws, and I masked them with overachievement, perfectionism, and emotional shutdown.

 

It worked, until it didn’t. Beneath the surface, I carried anxiety, shame, and a persistent feeling of not being good enough.

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Marriage, Disconnection, and the Longing to be Seen

My first marriage lasted 15 years. It had love, history, and commitment—but also misunderstanding, silence, and emotional distance.

 

I spent years wondering what was wrong with me, why I felt so alone, and how something that looked okay on the outside could feel so hard on the inside.

 

Eventually, that marriage ended. It was one of the most painful, humbling, and growth-filled chapters of my life.

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Divorce, Therapy, and Rebuilding from the Inside Out

Divorce forced me to confront questions I’d spent years avoiding: Who am I without this role? What do I want? What do I deserve?

 

Therapy was a turning point. I was able to grieve deeply, rediscover my voice, and begin again—with more self-awareness, courage, and clarity than I’d ever had before.

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Starting Over and Building a Blended Family

Today, I’m remarried and co-parenting a blended family. We’re raising two teenagers and supporting two adult stepchildren. It’s not a fairytale—and that’s what makes it beautiful. We work at it. We communicate. We repair. And through all of it, we’re learning what it really means to love with intention.

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I am a first-generation Chinese American, born in Taiwan and raised in New York. I’m fluent in Mandarin Chinese and deeply connected to my cultural roots. But growing up, I often felt like I had to shapeshift to belong—blend in, stay quiet, and strive for perfection in everything I did. I carried the weight of being “too much” in some spaces and “not enough” in others.

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Over time, I’ve come to embrace what makes me different. I wear my heritage with pride, speak my truth with courage, and hold my healing journey as a testament to resilience.

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Couples Therapy That Works

Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who’s to blame. It’s about understanding the cycle you’re stuck in—and learning how to step out of it.

 

Many couples come in with the same core questions:

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• Why do we keep having the same fight?

• Why do I feel so alone even when we’re together?

• Can we ever get back what we used to have?

• Are we too different to make this work?

 

These are not signs of failure. These are signs of disconnection—and disconnection can be repaired.

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My Approach to Couples Therapy

I help couples slow down the chaos and really see what’s happening underneath the surface. Often, what looks like anger is actually fear.

 

What looks like withdrawal is actually longing. When partners learn to decode these patterns, everything changes.

 

Couples therapy with me is structured, goal-oriented, and emotionally grounded. I create a safe environment for both partners to speak honestly and feel heard—while offering practical tools to help change how you communicate, reconnect, and move forward.

 

We’ll look at:

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• What drew you together in the first place—and how that still matters

• What relational patterns you’ve fallen into—and how to break them

• How your family histories and past wounds shape your reactions

• What’s missing in your emotional and physical connection—and how to rebuild it

• How to stop criticizing, stonewalling, or shutting down—and start reaching, repairing, and listening

 

I don’t take sides. I take the side of the relationship. I work to help both people feel seen, understood, and motivated to build something better together.

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What We Can Work On Together

 

Communication

• Learn how to speak so your partner hears you

• Learn how to listen so your partner feels safe

• Decrease the intensity and frequency of arguments

• Practice speaking from vulnerability instead of blame

 

Emotional Connection

• Rebuild trust after disconnection or betrayal

• Learn how to respond to each other’s bids for attention, comfort, and support

• Stop the cycle of criticism and defensiveness

• Increase feelings of closeness, playfulness, and care

 

Conflict Repair

• Understand your triggers and responses

• Develop a shared plan for navigating hard conversations

• Shift from escalation to collaboration

• Learn how to apologize and forgive in real, actionable ways

 

Intimacy and Sexual Connection

• Reignite desire and attraction

• Work through differences in sexual needs or preferences

• Address any lingering shame, discomfort, or body image issues

• Create a more joyful, respectful, and satisfying sex life

 

Decision-Making and Future Planning

• Get on the same page about parenting, money, or extended family

• Resolve issues around roles, responsibilities, and expectations

• Navigate life transitions together—from new babies to aging parents

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Working with Parents and Blended Families

Parenting is one of the most demanding and important parts of a couple’s life—and one of the biggest stressors.

 

Whether you’re parenting toddlers, teens, or launching adult kids, I help couples:

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• Stay aligned as co-parents

• Respond to behavioral challenges without turning on each other

• Respect each other’s parenting style while building a shared framework

• Maintain intimacy and connection while raising kids

• Manage the complexities of step-parenting and blended family life

 

Blended families bring their own unique dynamics—loyalty binds, unclear roles, competing needs. I support parents in navigating those tensions with empathy, structure, and care.

 

Why I Became a Therapist

I became a therapist because therapy saved me. It helped me grieve, heal, and find my voice. It helped me stop blaming myself and start understanding myself.

 

It gave me the tools to move forward—not just in relationships, but in how I see and value my own life.

 

That’s what I now offer to others.

 

Whether you’re in crisis or just stuck in a rut, you don’t have to stay there. You don’t have to keep wondering if things will ever get better. With the right support, they can.

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How I Work

My style is warm, direct, and grounded. I’m here to help you feel safe enough to be honest—and supported enough to grow. I don’t believe in shame. I believe in understanding. I don’t push quick fixes. I walk with you through lasting change.

 

You’ll leave our sessions with practical tools, deeper insight, and the confidence that real transformation is possible.

 

Training and Modalities

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Gottman Method for Couples

• Attachment-Based Therapy

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

• Divorce Recovery & Rebuilding Work

• Parenting and Blended Family Coaching

 

Education

• M.A. Marriage and Family Therapy, Western Seminary

• B.S. Finance & Accounting, New York University

 

License & Employment

• Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #155590

• Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452

• Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers

 

Ready to Begin?

If your relationship feels distant, strained, or confusing—but you’re still holding on—I’d be honored to work with you.

 

Reach out today. There’s still time to build something strong, honest, and lasting.

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